I use the saying, “put on your big girl panties” all the time. Meaning, suck it up and do what needs to be done, because you’re a grown up, and that’s just what you have to do as a grown up sometimes.

Except that my big girl panties are a thong.

Which can be looked at in two ways. My big girl panties are really big girl panties. Because how many kids do you know running around wearing g-strings? Um, inappropriate.

But the flip side of that is that sometimes there isn’t enough panty there to be much use to anyone, big girl or not.

And that’s a perfect analogy for my life. Sometimes I’m really good at sucking it up and doing what needs to be done, usually even with a smile on my face! And sometimes, I feel totally incapable and incompetent to make any decisions for anyone, even myself.

This week I was the proud driver of a dead car. And it turns out my engine seized. That’s likely because there was not enough oil in the engine. Now, the check oil light never came on to alert me that I was low, and I had put oil in about a month ago. But ultimately, I suppose it’s my fault for not checking my oil every time I filled my car with gas…because that’s what a responsible grown-up who knows anything about cars should do.

I am either not a responsible grown-up or I know nothing about cars. Or possibly both.

Now my car is dead. And I have to choose whether to put $3000+ into a car that is only worth $5000, or cut my losses and buy a new car instead. And what I really want to do is stick my head in the sand and curl in a ball and cry in my bed. Forever.

I’m trying to deal with the situation logically and without too much emotion. I’m trying to find the gratitude for the opportunity to get a new car (and the necessity to pay for it, which will push me to get creative financially), instead of feeling victimized by some shitty circumstances.

I’m trying to put on my big girl panties.

But when my big girl panties are a thong, that is not always successful. Unless I plan to pole dance to pay for my car, then the thong might come in handy….

There are so many things that I see other people doing successfully as grown ups. They power wash their decks. They do yard work. They clean their gutters. They have savings accounts (that actually have money in them). They make budgets and buy all the right insurance. They have RRSPs.

Do they feel like grown ups? Or are they faking it too? Because I’m still waiting to feel like a grown up. And in the meantime, I’m just playing dress up in these big girl panties from time to time.

But seriously, sometimes this thong rides right up my ass.

Let me know in the comments below if you ever actually feel like a grown up…and what kind of panties your big girl panties are! Do they feel like they provide adequate coverage….?