Mercury is in retrograde. With big, bold, flying colours.
Painful colours. Colours full of goodbyes. Endings. Cycles coming to full and final closures.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t plan my life according to astrology. I keep an awareness of it – I think there’s something to it, but I haven’t ever been really up for throwing my whole lot in with the stars, full stop. So I take my astrology with a grain of pink Himalayan salt.
I read a couple of round-ups of the coming month at the beginning of June and thought, “Well, shit. Mercury is going into retrograde (June 7-July1). That never goes well. But it’s rarely the end of the world either. Life goes on and we’ll all come out the other side.”
All the predictions said this one was going to be full of goodbyes, full of long-standing relationships and cycles we have struggled with for ages coming to final closure. Letting things go and moving on, once and for all.
And then I didn’t think too much more about it. After all, I only take my astrology with a grain of salt, right?
And then we actually entered into that period of time, and life became so sluggish. I couldn’t seem to accomplish anything. I couldn’t make forward motion with anything I tried to work on. (Mercury retrogrades typically do involve business and tech things going sideways.) My focus was non-existent, and I was fighting myself on every endeavour.
Then the school strike happened and my kids were home two weeks early. Which meant that all of a sudden I had fewer hours in the day that I could devote my brain-power (feeble as it seemed to be) to my own projects.
I had someone close to me who has some health issues hit a new milestone with their health concerns, and that one hit me pretty hard. I found myself quite emotionally off-balance, and reaching out for support.
And then the people around me started falling apart. Somewhat literally. So many people close to me are experiencing the end of their relationships, or looming potential for the end. So. Many. People. And one of my own most cherished relationships has ended in one form, and will only continue in a different form.
And I am alternately worried about the people concerned, and pleased that I am the one that many of them turn to for support when their lives are imploding. And mixed in there somewhere is a feeling of occasional overwhelm that there is so much going on, and there are so many people feeling fractured in my life, and I am the one so many people seem to be looking to for support, in a time when I feel broken myself. (Not that I want them to do anything different, not for a second…I’m just having moments of overwhelm, that’s all.)
So, while it feels like so much is ending, I am aware that every ending is a beginning. And while we often don’t want the endings to occur, we may not even be aware of the greatness that the new beginnings offer. And those new beginnings will never be possible without first making room in our lives, with the ending of something else.
And so I have chosen to be gentle with myself, and let myself off the hook for the rest of this month. I am not looking to accomplish any of the plans or projects I had originally intended for this month. That has all been out on hold. Instead, I am giving myself the rest of this month to follow my feelings, and tend to my own emotional needs. In July, I can turn it all back on, but for now, everything is on hold, and in just worried about making sure I’m good.
For me that means eating right, lots of exercise, plenty of fresh air, time and communication with friends and loved ones, journaling, quiet time, reading, tea, sleep, and feeling my feelings.
How many of us schedule time for ourselves to feel our feelings? I bet not many. I certainly don’t, not on the regular.
And I have to say, it feels very weird and slightly awkward to totally let myself off the hook for all my plans and projects for the rest of this month. I mad the decision a few days ago, so that’s somewhere around 10 days or so when I am not worried about accomplishing much of anything. In a completely guilt-free manner. I keep thinking, “oh, I should do X.” And then I stop myself and realize that there’s no deadline hanging over my head…
Because I am taking care of myself.
A little foreign. A lot needed. And entirely healthy.
In the comments below, tell me what you have felt going on this month. Have you felt cycles ending, or big goodbyes? Have you had trouble making forward progress with any projects? How have you decided to approach your challenges?