I don’t make resolutions. Resolutions are most often broken, leaving the resolver with a sense of guilt and a need to, but generally also an inability to, forgive one’s self for the lack of willpower that clearly led to the broken resolution. From the get-go, it is an equation set up to fail. Nope, not for me, thanks. I can rack up the guilt points without any help from you, New Year’s Resolutions!
I do, however, hold intentions. An intention is not made lightly. An intention, to me, is sacred. It is made consciously. Implicit in the act of forming and holding an intention is the absence of guilt, and there is, at the core, an acceptance of the fact that we are not going to be 100% flawless, one hundred percent of the time. It is the sacred agreement to stay conscious and make one’s best effort to stay true to that intention. In other words: do your best. But for real…don’t just pay it lip service. The only one you’ll be accountable to is you, so you’d better put your best man right on it.
So, that being said…
This is the year of coming out for me. (No, I am not a closeted gay man as you may have suspected. Oh come on people! With this rack?) But I am coming out of hiding. In no particular order:
No more hiding behind my health. Learn to work with and heal, not cower away from.
No more hiding from challenging relationships. Bring it! You will see me stand firmly in my own shoes, no apologies. (And, word of warning: I am done always being the nice guy. If you cross the line, I’m not gonna pussy foot around the issue. You’ll hear about it. Call me whatever you’d like. But there you have it.)
No more hiding by being alone. Participate. Make the time to be with the people I love, and happily welcome new people into my life. Stay present, and maintain a healthy presence with my family of choice. (I’m lucky: for the most part, this includes my family of origin. But it goes so far beyond that. I am truly blessed, and I will no longer fail to make it a priority. The priority. Relationships.)
No more hiding from my dreams. Jump. Land on your feet. Fail. Trust. Fall down. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. It’s. All. Good. Seriously. And in the end, the trust in self will pay off in spades, and the life created will far surpass the life imagined.
No more hiding from my feelings. This one might get pretty yucky. It means no more bags of cookies to shove down the loneliness or tubs of ice cream to stay the fears. It means being honest with myself about feeling anything I’m feeling, and (worse yet!) allowing myself to feel those emotions. Sit in those places. Don’t run away. Don’t abandon myself.
No more hiding from myself. This is the big one. Stay conscious. Stay present. Stay aware. Follow the unequivocal roadmap my body lays out before me.
No more living my life to prove anything to anyone else. The only person I ever have to prove anything to is me. And woven into this one is that I will no longer try to prove negatives in my life. The negatives will come if they come. But I will only strive to prove positives in my life.
So, what are your intentions for the best version of yourself in 2011?